Translating His Language
For the single and "unsingle" people, here are some helpful hints as to how to figure your mate, or potential mate, when he/she says and does certain things. This also goes for some women as well. I have said and done of few of these things myself. This is just a general overview.
If you're wondering if he is into you:
Have you ever made any of the following excuses for him?
- Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship.
- Maybe I intimidate him.
- Maybe he wants to take it slow.
- But he gave me his number.
- Maybe I don't want to play games.
- But he's been traveling a lot.
- But he's got a lot on his mind.
- But he's really busy and important.
- But he just says things he doesn't mean sometimes.
- But he just got out of a relationship.
- It's better than nothing.
- Maybe he's afraid to get hurt again.
- Maybe if I'm patient, he'll change his mind, realize he's madly in love with me after all, and come back.
- I don't want to rock the boat. So much of what we have is GOOD; maybe I shouldn't be making a big deal out of this.
- But I've gotten fat; why wouldn't he cheat on me?
- But he has a stronger sex drive than I do; he says I don't have sex with him enough and that's why he cheated.
- He can't marry me yet because money's so tight for him.
- He can't marry me yet because his parents weren't good role models and maybe he's scared.
- He says he's just not "ready yet". Maybe if I give him more time.
If you have to make excuses for him, he's not into you. End of story.
Facts:
When a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. When a man doesn't want you, nothing will make him stay. If he is truly interested in you, he will make sure you know.
ALWAYS remember: actions speak louder than words! There are a lot of great guys out there. If it doesn't work out with one, there will be more! If you really liked that guy, trust me, there are several more out there just like him! :)
If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you.
Slower is better. Maintain your mystery. Have you ever heard anyone say "Man, I wish we would have slept together sooner?!"
All men are NOT dogs.
Make him miss you (even if you are dying to see him again). He enjoys the chase.
If he hasn't stated that you two are exclusive or "committed", then you AREN'T taken. Obviously this doesn't mean go "ho" around (this applies to both sexes), but you should still keep your eyes open.
Just because he says he needs space, does not mean he wants to break up. *breathe*
Trust your intuition. If something "feels" wrong, something IS wrong. Do NOT make assumptions.
If he breaks up with you "out-of-the-blue", it wasn't "out-of-the-blue." You missed something. Either walk away, or talk about it (nicely) with your ex. If he doesn't give you any reasons or has a super long list of reasons, then it's a good thing you are parting ways.
Translating "man-speak":
If you tell it like it is, translation wouldn't be necessary; apparently being up-front is just not something most people can do. Below is a list of the most common phrases during different stages of the dating relationship: what he says, and what he's REALLY trying to tell you.When You're Dating:
He says: So maybe we could get together or something?- He means: I think you're really hot and want to ask you out, but I'm too chicken to say so.
- He means: His mojo wasn't rising.
- He means: You'll never see him again.
- He means: You're not my type, but could you set me up with your hot friend?
- He means: I really mean to call but I'm scared you'll say yes, we'll go out and it will be a letdown. Or worse, what if it's not? Do I want to go through all the hassle of dating? Get married? Have kids? Aaahhhh!
- He means: We've spent at least five nights together, at least one of which has ended in sexual contact. But in no way are we exclusive.
- He means: It's down to you and one other woman.
- He means: I'm scared that if I don't make things more permanent, you'll date someone else.
- He means: It is you, but if you can't figure out why that's your problem.
- He means: ...for someone else
- He means: I'm just not that into you.
- He means: I don't want anything too serious.
- He means: There are still other people I may want to sleep with.
- He means: I want all the benefits of having a girlfriend, but none of the responsibilities.
- He means: If you don't see someone else, I think you are going to resent me.
- He means: I've done something that I know will upset you, so I want you to move on before I get caught
- He means: I'm not going to tell you that I am, because I need to maintain the power I have.
When he wants to break up:
He says: We can still be friends.- He means: Please don't hate me for dumping you.
He means: I intend to treat you badly, and want to give myself some cover so I can say, "Hey, I told you months ago that you deserve better than me!"
-or-
I want to break up with you with as little fuss as possible.
- He means: I'm not attracted to you anymore. Sure, I might have been in the past but those feelings are long gone.
- He means: It is you, but I'm trying to sugar-coat it to spare your feelings.
What He Says When He Wants Sex:
He says: This is our third date, isn't it?He says: Is it warm out or just me?
He says: What time do you go to work in the morning?
He says: You think it's true what they say about oysters?
- He means: I WANT SEX
- He means: I love that incredible thing you are doing with your finger/tongue/body right now
- He means: Are you thinking about your ex and how much better he was than me?
- He means: I haven't gotten laid in almost three months
- He means: I just want a little nookie
- He means: I'm the best, right?
What He Says When He's Serious:
He says: I really like you- He means: I think I am falling in love but if I say that word, there is no going back
- He means: See Above
- He means: You've made him breakfast, he fixed your car and his buddies aren't allowed to come on to you
- He means: God, I know you want to talk about my day and all my interrelationships with my colleagues and boss and the guy who drives my bus, but I am at home now and I just want to drink 10 beers, eat a bag of chips for dinner and zone out.
- He means: Maybe you need to slow down
- He means: I don't want you
- He means: I'm about this close to dumping you but I haven't worked up the nerve yet
- He means: You're an amazing woman
- He means: You make me incredibly happy whenever we are together. I think you may be The One.
What He Hears When You Speak:
Men don't always hear everything you're saying, which means he's not always getting your message:You say (after being introduced): Do you know this band?
- He hears: I want you now.
- He hears: Are you making enough money to make you marriage material?
- He hears: I'm still in love with my ex.
- He hears: I want all your time for the rest of your life.
- He hears: That was the best sex of my life. Let's do it again!
Top Lies He'll Tell You
Be wary, if he says any of the following to you:- But I tried to call
- I didn't get the message
- I didn't notice what she looked like
- Sex isn't the most important thing
- I'll be careful
- We'll talk about it later
- I'm not mad
- I could fall in love with you in a minute (wait a minute and ask him how he feels now)
Learning to Talk Just Like Him
How to talk to a man so he understands you:Men can only take directions one at a time. So, if you want him to go into the kitchen and get you a cup of tea, make it a two-part request (this also applies to when you are in bed with him).
When men bother to use words, it's to inspire action (whereas women communicate to bond). So if a guy insults another guy, he automatically thinks he wants to fight. And if you say you like his shirt, he thinks, "Cool -- she wants to jump my bones!"
University of Houston psychologists investigating why men keep things bottled up found it was to maintain power in a relationship -- when they don't talk, their partner is left guessing. You do the same and he'll be putty in your hands.
Men don't want to talk about the relationship. They just want to do it (in his mind, if he didn't love you, he'd leave). Here's how he thinks: "If we need to talk about the relationship, it must be broken. If it's broken, it means it's doomed. I'm outta here."
A man will say, "I'm fine," even when being tortured by Zulu warriors. It's in his nature not to reveal weakness because that betrays vulnerability, which comes off as lack of status, according to research by evolutionary psychologist David Buss. In short, he's worried you'll think he's a weed if he can't solve his problems without his Superwoman girlfriend coming to his aid.
How to Know He's Serious About You
There are certain words his tongue seems to trip over -- like "girlfriend," "love" and "commitment." But since men are action-driven, it's really more important what he does than what he says.You know your man is serious about you if he:
- Lets you drive his car (especially his new SUV)
- Assumes you're spending the weekend together
- Introduces you to his friends
- Stops wearing his "If you're not wasted, the day is" T-shirt, because he knows you hate it
- Calls for absolutely no reason
- Wants to talk after sex
Things He Never Wants to Hear
Here's what he really doesn't want to hear from you (and probably won't hear anyway):Honey, we have to talk…
- No, YOU have to talk -- and talk and talk and talk
- His feelings, like his answers, will be simple. So if you are lying in post-coital comfort and he answers, "Pizza," he really means he is thinking about pizza and not that you have skin that resembles pizza or you look like you've eaten one too many pies in your life
- Yes he does. He thinks that if he even hesitates to say no, it will kill his chances of sex that night -- or any other night.
- He already assumes this is what you want; he just doesn't want to hear it. So you only have to notify him if this is NOT the case
- Honestly, you look wonderful to him. That's why he's with you!
You Know He is Mr. Wrong When…
He may look good in the box, but sometimes "Mr. Right" turns into "Mr. Right-About-Now-Would-Be-a-Good-Time-to-Leave." We asked women on the iVillage message boards for foolproof signs of a Romeo gone renegade. Some of our favorite responses:- He gives you a Chia Pet for Christmas.
- He "forgets" to bring money on your first date.
- He thinks you'll be impressed when he tells you his ex-girlfriends were hot.
- He's had more jobs in the last few years than you have pairs of shoes.
- His idea of celebrating your birthday doesn't involve you.
- He paints his body for major sporting events.
- His mom calls to help patch things up when you're in a fight with him.
- His idea of gourmet cooking is thawing a frozen pizza.
- He picks you up for an 8pm date… at 1am.
- You're constantly making excuses for why he "really is" Mr. Right when he's really acting like a jerk.
If you sit back and think about all this, it makes perfect sense. Smart up ladies; have fun. Dating is all about figuring yourself out, what you do want, and what you DON'T want. Eventually you will find your perfect compliment.
Resources:
http://love.ivillage.com
http://www.getromantic.com/dating/content.shtml?main.shtml
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